Words of Shame

It's been months since I last posted, but now things are settling down with the release of Shame Lifter (only more radio interview to go) and I thought I'd get caught up on this blog.

Shame. It's such an interesting emotion. It caught me by surprise a couple weeks ago.

I had to go to a medical lab for a routine test. And like most medical offices, there is a sign that reads, "Please register with the receptionist." I stood by the counter and waited for the receptionist to finish whatever she was doing. Without greeting or even glancing up at me she asked, "Name?" I told her. Again, without looking at me she said, "Insurance card." I handed her my card and was amazed how she could, without looking, take it right out of my hand while she looked at her paperwork.

She continued with her work, swearing quietly to herself while I stood there. Finally, she said, "Go take a seat." As I turned and started for a nearby chair in the lobby, she yelled out, "Where are you going? What do you think I just asked you to do?" Now, for the first time she was looking at me and demanding an answer. At first I couldn't believe she was talking to me, but her eyes (and all the other eyes in the lobby) were now staring at me and wondering what I was going to say. I swallowed and said, "You told me to go sit down." Her eyes glowered at me. "Not in the lobby!" She pointed to another chair and commanded, " I want you to sit right over here!" She began mumbling to herself as I sank into the "right" chair. I could feel all those eyes looking at the back of my head. Gratefully, my name was soon called by a nurse and I was freed from my chair.

After the appointment, I had to once again file past the receptionist's desk. Not knowing how I would be received and if I should sit in a certain chair I asked, "Is there anything else you need from me?" "No, I'm done with you!" No "good-bye" no smile, no nothing.

It really was a little thing - but do you know what I felt like for a couple of minutes as that receptionist dialogued with me? I felt like a bad little kid who hadn't followed directions. (But only for a couple of minutes! :) I quickly realized that I didn't have anything to be ashamed of. She was the one out of bounds.

But I do wonder...what was going on in her life? Was she having a most dreadful day in the office? How could I have encouraged her?

Our words - they have such power - both with what we say and how we say it. Truly words have the power of life or death. Today I have a choice, I can either be a shame giver or a shame lifter.

A review from Five Minutes for Books

"A lot of self-help books focus on a variety of individuals and their personal struggles. Not so with Shame Lifter. Author Marilyn Hontz uses her own life experiences to show how she was once a shame receiver who finally realized that she needed some help with shame lifting.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't think I needed to read this book. I just wanted to. I am, generally speaking, a very confident person. I typically have enough self-esteem to go around and share with, oh, say, about half a dozen other women. I don't generally think ill of myself. However, I did find an area where I generally talk down to myself when I was reading this book. I wasn't really surprised about the area of degradation but I was surprised to find that I really DID need this book. Furthermore, I'd go so far as to say that just about every woman does."

Read more here.

Christian Ladies Connect Review

"Moms and dads everywhere: kudos to you. My hats are off to hard-working moms and dads all over the world, who sacrifice time, money, and energy, while giving the best of their love to a new breed that will one day rise up and be our future hope.

Though taxing at times, parenthood is one of the most satisfying jobs life could offer– or…um…at least that’s what I’ve heard from older moms and dads whose children are grown and are now raising kids of their own! Personally, I’m still in the very early stages of motherhood- parenting a voracious toddler and homeschooling a knowledge-thirsty 6 1/2 year old (yes, that’s six and one half, as she so adamantly reminds me). And, yes, I do find those moments of satisfaction and joy. Especially when they’re asleep!"

Read the rest here.

Interview on "The Query Queen"

Click here to read one of Marilyn's recent interviews posted on "Ask Wendy--the Query Queen."

Excerpt from Cindy's Stamping and Reviews

Are you a Shame Giver, Shame Receiver, or a Shame Lifter? Author Marilyn Hontz, in this book clearly explains what each of these are, and how to recognize signs in our lives (there is even check lists at the back of the book) She wonderfully presents a interesting book about how we recognize and deal with each of these, in our lives.
Hurting people hurt people. The sooner we recognize this fact in the people we deal with daily and the people who we interact with in our lives. When we become aware of this it will help us to deal with those people who seem set on hurting us. It will also help us to understand our own hurts in our lives.

See the rest of this review here.

Review from The Living Word Book Club

Below is an excerpt from The Living Word Book Club:

Are you bombarded by negative thoughts like "I am so dumb!" "I’m ugly." "I’m worthless." "I’m inadequate." These are berating words that we tell ourselves and what Marilyn calls "shame language." This also includes comparing ourselves to others. "Why can’t I be like him/her?"

You can read the rest of the review here.

Review from Gwen Jackson

Here is an excerpt from a recent blog review from Gwen Jackson:

"Marilyn Hontz – friend, fellow pastor’s wife, mom to five grown children, grandma to six, speaker, and author – recently published her second book, Shame Lifter. I was looking forward to getting a copy when I discovered it at a friend's house when we were staying with their kids while they were on a cruise. I debated what book to take with me for reading material, but never really settled on anything. As soon as I saw Marilyn's book, I knew that was the book to read. I finished it in three days and found it to be thought provoking and insightful. Anyone who reads this book will find themselves reflecting on their own life. Shame-givers come in a variety of forms... for me it was two grade-school teachers who instilled a shamed based sense of inadequacy in me..."

Click here for the remainder of the review.